5 Steps

"Just 5 steps," they told me. I believed them.

I was a safe distance away, yet fear resounded in my heart.

A lump welled in my throat. "What will they do to me?"

Protected, but never more vulnerable. I made the first step.

Guards at every turn, I'm hoping for the best.

Step 2. Closer and more aware; the mob is yelling.

I felt another drop and heard another slur.

I look for mercy. There is none to be found!

Hesitantly, Step 3. Their words hit me, pricking

my heart. I see their passion. Not understanding

their intentions. Step 4 and hope is in sight.

Supporters look-on, and I feel the support; their Love.

With each step I find resolve and a reason to keep going.

Finally, Step 5. Surrounded by Love, there is nothing I can't do.

Encompassed on all sides, I know I'm not alone.

If only they knew the value of those 5 steps.

Letter

It is said feedback is the breakfast of champions. Besides repetition I believe constant feedback and communication was the most influential factor in my progress from module 1 til now. Having failed my last online class, apprehensive didn't nearly describe my feeling about this class. I was more than pleasantly surprised that for an online class my professor was readily available; even more than my face to face professors.

I've always liked writing, but never really had a strong grasp on form or mechanics. I was used to basically throwing up on paper. I just wrote and that was it. I believed that my writing was raw, and that was alright. I now know editing isn't changing my ideas. Editing creates a Picasso out of a finger painting.

Other than a made-up mind to do my best and a great professor; the texts and exercises made a great difference. I was always challenged by the journals exercises because they weren't extremely difficult yet called me to think deeply about my responses. They also gave me the opportunity to learn about myself and my writing style, which was shown in my writing.

I've learned many things from this class but two will really stick with me. First, Journal #5 where the writing could only contain one syllable words and Journal #3, a four word play. Both of these helped my to look at language word by word and syllable by syllable and I learned to make each word count. From these two exercises I learned how to work in a form to create a work. I believe there is a place for "raw" writing, but writing in a form, creates a more developed and well rounded writer. Which I have become.

Just a Text Away-Revised

Mike was a warm heated, kind man, but was also a radical thinker. His sole purpose in life was to help others, by any means necessary. If that meant holding up the line at Whole Foods for a mother to get her money together he would. If it meant holding up traffic for the old lady to cross the street he would. It brought him great joy. His ways weren’t appreciated by all, though. The townspeople of New Hope, South Dakota couldn’t stand him. To them Mike was a trouble maker and a “meddler in others men’s matters”, one woman always said. Mike could do all the good in the world, but if the townspeople hated him was he really making a difference??

One Tuesday morning, Mike stood in line at Starbucks, waiting patiently, as he always did; a tall caramel macchiato and a lemon loaf were his essentials for a good day. It got him through any funk the morning shot at him. When the barista, noticing his less than pleasant demeanor, she decided to inquire.

“How ya doing Mike?” she asked cheerfully.

“Just fine," he answered, trying to conceal the disappointment in his voice.

“You coulda fooled the undertaker,” she said now chuckling. “Mike, you come in here every day. I can tell when you’re not yourself.”

Hesitantly, Mike informed her of the problem.

“That’s all??” she asked sarcastically. Mike, now more hurt than ever looked to her for an explanation.

“Mike, nobody likes what you do for others until THEY are the recipients of a good deed,” she said.

“But the people who give me the most headaches never, ever need help," he interjected.

The barista noticed her line and told Mike to take his items and a basic flip cell phone. She said all the trouble-making townspeople’s number were there. All he had to do was text H-E-L-P to their phones and it wouldn’t be too long before he could help people without any opposition.

Taking everything he scurried out of the door. A “thank you” followed as the door slammed.

Mike always wanted to help people, but he never knew it would come to this--not like this --but he had to do, what he had to at this point.

“I won’t do it to all of them, but just to one, the most powerful, that way others would follow…perfect!!”

He texted the head of the city council, Mrs. Prickard, on Wednesday. On Friday, her car just happened to not turn over, her purse just happened to be left at home, and she was before him in line at Whole Foods.

Very hesitantly she turned to Mike, “Can you help me out?”

Being Mike, he said “I thought you’d never ask.”

Just a Text Away-Original

title?

There was once a man named Mike. He Mikewas a warm hearted, kind man, but was also a radical thinker. His sole purpose in life was to help others, by any means necessary. If that meant holding up the line at Whole Foods for a mother to get her money together he would, if it meant holding up traffic for the old lady to cross the street he would.) It brought him great joy. His ways weren’t appreciated by all though, the townspeople of New Hope, South Dakota couldn’t stand him. To them Mike was a trouble maker and a “meddler in others men’s matters” one woman always said. Mike could do all the good in the world, but if the townspeople hated him was he really making a difference??

One Tuesday morning, Mike stood in line at Starbucks, waiting patiently, as he always did; a tall caramel macchiato and a lemon loaf were his essentials for a good day. It got him through any funk the morning shot at him. When the barista, noticing his less than pleasant demeanor, she decided to inquire.

“How ya doing Mike?” she asked cheerfully.

“Just fine”, < he answered, trying to conceal the disappointment in his voice.

“You coulda fooled the undertaker”, she said now chuckling. “Mike, you come in here every day, I can tell when you’re not yourself.”

Hesitantly, Mike informed her of the problem.

“That’s all??” she asked sarcastically. Mike, now more hurt than ever, looked to her for an explanation.

“Mike, nobody likes what you do for others until THEY are the recipients of a good deed” she said.

“But, the people who give me the most headaches never, ever need help”, he interjected.

The barista noticed her line and told Mike to take his items and a basic flip cell phone. She said all the trouble making townspeople’s number townspeoples' numbers were there, all he had to do was text H-E-L-P to their phones and it wouldn’t be too long before he could help people without any opposition.

Taking everything he scurried out of the door, a “Thank You”; followed as the door slammed.

Mike always wanted to help people but he never knew it would come to this, not like this, but he had to do, what he had to at this point.

“I won’t do it to all of them, just one, the most powerful, that way others would follow…perfect!!”

He texted the head of the city council, Mrs. Prickard, on Wednesday. On Friday, her car just happened to not turn over, her purse just happened to be left at home, and she was before him in line at Whole Foods.

Very hesitantly she turned to Mike, “Can you help me out?”

Being Mike, he said “I thought you’d never ask.”

Strong use of dialogue throughout helps move your story / conflict forward: nicely done, Kristen, but those sentence errors are a problem. --Gary

Love??-Revised

Love??

Characters

GAYLEN, a 20 something young professional, married.

TINA, a 20 something young nursing mother, married.

The baby-their child(non-speaking)

Setting- A living-room in Maryland, Today.

Act 1

(TINA, sitting, is nursing the baby. GAYLEN, sitting drinking gin, on his laptop)

GAYLEN

You shouldn't have done that.

TINA (looking at GAYLEN)

What?

GAYLEN

You know what.

TINA (looking at the baby)

I guess I should know what the hell you're talking about.

GAYLEN (looking at TINA)

And you do, I just wish you didn't do it.

TINA (looks away)

I can't believe you are so upset; it’s really not that big of a deal.

GAYLEN

So you say. It makes me feel less than a man, like I'm not good enough.

TINA

You're so in touch with feelings and emotions; you can't see what a mess we're really in.

GAYLEN

Everything is gonna be fine babe, if you just trust me. We can get through this, together.

TINA

You're NOT getting it, and I can't deal with this anymore.

(The baby begins to cry)

GAYLEN

Shh, put the baby to sleep and we'll have this conversation like civilized adults.

TINA(chuckling)

Well one of us anyways.

GAYLEN

Very funny.

TINA

(exits to put baby to bed)

GAYLEN (to himself, standing)

Where did our love go?

TINA (returns to the living room, standing)

Babe, I'm trying to keep us together, the baby happy and you know I work. I can't be worried about your feelings that much. I swear it’s not purposeful.

GAYLEN

I know you're stressed. I get it, but badmouthing me and telling OUR mothers about our finances will not solve the problems.

TINA

It's a blessing OUR mothers can help us out when we need it.

GAYLEN (strongly)

The bills are up to date and the rent is paid. We are doing fine!!

TINA(yelling)

I DON'T WANT TO GET BY!!! WHAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND

GAYLEN

Stop yelling.

TINA

In college, before the baby we were fine. We were fun, but now I don't know me, or you.

GAYLEN (Yelling)

TINA WE AREN'T IN COLLEGE ANYMORE, things change, people grow up.

TINA

And this is your idea of growing up?? Struggling??

GAYLEN

We did everything right. We can't change this. We just have to accept it.

TINA

I don't know if this, us, is gonna work.

GAYLEN

Think of us before you make that decision.

TINA

I have. You can take care of her.

GAYLEN (whispers)

TINA, No!!

TINA

I know what's best for me.

GAYLEN- I'll leave the room. You do what you want

GAYLEN exits

END

Love??-Original

The speakers' names and what they say are generally centered on the page; yours are left margin justified. Study my sample posted at the link called, Format: What a Script Looks Like.

Characters-

Gaylen, a 20something young professional, married.

Tina, a 20something young nursing mother, married.

The baby-their child(non-speaking)

Setting- A living room in Maryland, Today.

Act 1

(Tina, sitting, nursing the baby. Gaylen, sitting drinking gin, on his laptop)

Gaylen- You shouldn't have done that.

Tina (looking at Gaylen) what?

Gaylen- You know what.

Tina (looking at the baby)-I guess I should know what the hell you're talking about.

Gaylen (looking at Tina)- and you do, I just wish you didn't do it.

Tina(looks away)- I can't believe you are so upset, its really not that big of deal. <

Gaylen- So you say, It makes me feel less than a man, like I'm not good enough.

Tina-you're so in touch with feeling and emotion, you can't see what a mess we're really in.

Gaylen-everything is gonna be fine babe, if you just trust me, we can get through this

Tina-You're NOT getting it, and I can't deal with this anymore

The baby- crying

Gaylen-Shh, put the baby to sleep and we'll have this conversation like civilized adults.

Tina(chuckling)-Well one of us anyways

Gaylen-very funny

Tina(exits to put baby to bed)

Gaylen(to himself, standing)- Where did our love go?

Tina-Babe, I'm trying to keep us together, the baby happy and you know I work and take classes, I cant be worried about your feeling thats much, I swear its not purposful.

Gaylen- I know your stressed. I get it but badmouthing me and telling OUR mothers about our finances will not solve the problems.

Tina-Its a blessing OUR mothers can help us out when we need it.

GAylen-The bills are up to date, the rent is paid and we are getting by

Tina(yelling)- I DON'T WANT TO GET BY!!! WHAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND

Gaylen-stop yelling

Tina- In college, before the baby, we were fine. We were fun, but now I don't know me, or you.

Gaylen(Yelling)-Tina WE AREN'T IN COLLEGE ANYMORE, things change, people grow up.

Tina- And this is your idea of growing up?? Struggling??

Gaylen-We did everything right, we can't change this, we just have to accept it

Tina- I don't know if this, us, is gonna work

Gaylen- Think of us before you make that decision

Tina- I think I have, you can take care of her. <wow! That was a surprise: nicely done!

Gaylen-Tina

Tina-I think I know what's best for me

Gaylen- I'll leave the room, you do what you want

Gaylen exits

END

Strong dialogue and stage direction, Kristen: believable conflict and characters: nicely done. However, all material highlighted blue contains English correctness issues that require attention. Gary

Dorm-Revised

dorm

Snow on my window pane

matching the pain in my heart.

What I longed for the most has gone,

a place of hope.

On this frosty eve, blackness sings its

Sad song, the TV blaring

more about nothing.

I lie Cold.

We curse the school. It’s not our fault,

you lazy SOB’s. We’ve tried to make it

better. A towel soaks up the snow.

We know that’s NOT enough.

To think we got here; they chose us.

Is this how they repay? Is this our glory?

Nothing can repair the damage. Or

recharge my pride.

Snow on my window pane

matching the pain in my heart.

What I longed for the most has gone,

a place of hope.

Dorm-Original

dorm

Snow on my window pane

matching the pain in my heart.

What I longed for the most has gone,

a place of hope.

On this frosty eve, blackness sings its

Sad song, the TV blaring

More about nothing. All the while

I lay Cold.

We curse the school. It’s not our fault,

you lazy Sob’s. We’ve tried to make it

better. A towels soaks up the snow.

We know that’s NOT enough.

To think we got here, they chose us.

Is this how they repay? Is this our glory?

No reason can repair the damage. Or

Recharge my pride.

Snow on my window pane

matching the pain in my heart.

What I longed for the most has gone,

a place of hope.

Pen-Revised

Pen

Comfortable in my hand
with lines so smooth.
A little thing
of minute parts.
You are a weapon
of mass destruction!
Stabbing at truth's heart.
Blunt, Blameless Being!

Pen-Original

title?

So Comfortable in my hand

your smooth lines make me feel

________________. with lines so smooth.

This little thing, <no comma

of minute parts.

You are a Weapon of death,

of mass destruction.

Stabbing each holder

A point of at Truth's

Oh, what Blunt,Blameless Being!

Pen

Any reason all new lines are in cap. letters? Consider only using caps. when new lines begin new sentences.